Hold Me Tight
by Tarafina
Summary: Real love isn't telling her to give up everything for a guy who always breaks her heart. It's being man enough to make sure she gets her dreams even if it costs him his heart. :Puckleberry:


**Title**: Hold Me Tight ('Cause I'm Losing All The Energy to Fight)  
><strong>Category<strong>: Glee  
><strong>Genre<strong>: Drama/Romance  
><strong>Ship<strong>: Puck/Rachel (one-sided), Finn/Rachel  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG-13  
><strong>Warning(s)<strong>: Coarse Language  
><strong>Prompt<strong>: Rachel (to Puck): Can I have a hug? I just really need a hug right now. by enchantedrose90 – puckrachel drabble meme (part 8)  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 2,139  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Real love isn't telling her to give up everything for a guy who always breaks her heart. It's being man enough to make sure she gets her dreams even if it costs him his heart.

**_Hold Me Tight ('Cause I'm Losing All The Energy to Fight)  
><em>**-1/1-

Subtlety was not Finn's strong point. So when Rachel was late for glee and they heard arguing outside the closed choir room door, they all knew it was them. They'd been doing this a lot lately, fighting over nothing; over stupid little things that didn't make much sense. Only, it wasn't_ nothing_; in fact, it was actually _something_ and it was a lot more important than maybe Finn understood. Rachel wanted New York. Graduation was _legit_ a month away. She was sticking to the game plan of only dating Finn for senior year and then cutting ties so she could go make it big in NYC. And Puck didn't blame her. He didn't know why anybody _would_. She'd been dreaming big since she figured out what singing was and she had the killer voice that would make it all happen for her. He was a big supporter of Berry on Broadway and while he didn't get why she'd date Finn _at all _anymore, he'd given up trying to talk sense into her. Originally his motives behind his '_talk sense into Rachel'_ plan were getting her single so he could ninja sneak-attack his way into her bed, and heart, but it was also because he _knew_, without a doubt, that Finn was _not_ the dude for her. But she didn't want to hear that and he figured, _whatever_, she was leaving Lima for New York, and that meant _Finn _too, so why bother pushing up the expiry date on Finchel if it was inevitable?

Only Finn started trying to convince her that Lima was a better idea; he started doubting she could make it in New York, which made _her _doubt herself. And the more she gave thought to what Finn thought or feared, the more pissed Puck was that Rachel might _actually _give in to the douche and stick around Lima, playing the pretty little housewife who gave it all up for love. He upchucked in his mouth a little every time he thought it. Okay, so he wasn't much of a romantic, sue him. But the way he saw it, love wasn't sitting around in Buttfuck, Nowhere when the chick he was in love with had the opportunity to get herself on a stage and make it big. It wasn't holding her back when he knew she could be more, even if it meant _without _him. It wasn't telling her that she was talented, but not _that _talented, so she should just cut her losses and stay with him. _Fuck that bull!_ So yeah, maybe he wasn't some douche from a rom-com that would make Rachel cry with all his sappy-ass words and declarations, but at least he knew that what she deserved and what she had were two really different things. And that if it were up to him, if he was the one holding her back or not going anywhere, he'd shove her on that plane and tell her to make it big for _both _of them.

But he wasn't the leading man in this soap opera, so he shut his mouth and let her figure it out on her own. He let her fight with Finn and talk herself in circles, questioning her dreams and her relationship, and he waited for her to figure it out. And he hoped – he _really fucking hoped_ – that she would get it. That she would wake up and see that hell, maybe Finn was a good guy and maybe he loved her, but that wasn't enough to keep her happy for a lifetime when her first love and her biggest dreams were right there, waiting for her to get them, and all she had to do was say goodbye to a guy that repetitively hurt her and a town that didn't know how great she was.

They hadn't talked in two weeks. Which was pretty big since they'd been hanging out since the summer after Nationals and hardly spent much time apart anymore. She'd been right there next to him ever since he and Lauren broke up and Rachel decided it would be the summer of 'soothing his broken heart.' He never told her that he and Lauren were still cool and he wasn't all that upset about it. They were still friends, but she was too much like his ma and he didn't like that he changed as much as did with her. In the end, it was two months of just hanging with Berry, even if it involved way too much singing and planning for their senior year of glee. And maybe somewhere along the way she became his best friend; and she never failed to call him hers. The only problem he found with that – and it was kind of huge – was that he wanted _more _than that. Like somewhere between her bringing him 'sorry Lauren broke your heart' cookies and sipping slushees in the back of his pick-up truck while she recited her nine hundredth draft of her Tony acceptance speech, he fell for her. Hard. But she was with Finn and he didn't want to make those same mistakes again, so he pretended it wasn't fucked up or it didn't hurt. Or that he didn't want to bash Finn's face in when he hurt her feelings, even over stupid shit like when she was all pissy 'cause Finn didn't know the collective works of Barbra Streisand…

But lately, it was just too much. The last month or two had been a back and forth of Finn trying to tell her to stay and her wondering if maybe she should. And the last time she said that out loud, he lost it. He blew up on her and told her to get her priorities straight and then walked out of her life, dramatically hoping she'd see the light and chase after him (and yeah, he was spending too much damn time with her over-the-top crazy ass if he even _considered _that) but she didn't. She let him leave and ever since she'd been passing him looks in the halls; all sad with those big, brown teary eyes. And she texted him sometimes, just sad emoticons or '_Noah…?' _and it was just fucked that when he read it he could hear her voice in his head, depressed but hopeful and so _questioning, _like she needed him to spell it out for her. Why their friendship was suddenly in limbo; why he scowled every time Finn took her hand or kissed her cheek or even just _smiled _at her. He'd been in the friend zone too fucking long and he wanted more – he really fucking did – but she didn't need him trying to get her attention. She didn't need that added confusion of figuring out what they could be on top of wondering if she should give up New York for Finn or give up Finn for New York. But being with her, listening to her rant and rave and question herself, it was too much. She needed to figure it out for herself. So he stayed out of it and he shut up and he hoped that if – _when_ – she did make the right choice, she'd forgive him for being an asshole and at least let him be her friend again.

"Just _no_, Finn! _No!_" she shouted in frustration.

"But Rachel—"

"That's it! That's…" He legit swore he heard her _stomp her foot_. "I _can't _stay here and—and if you _loved _me, you would _know _that… You would _support _that!"

"I'm supposed to be _happy _that you're leaving me in a month? Rachel, that's crazy…"

"No… But…" She sighed. "I know it's hard. I know it _hurts_… But we talked about this when we got back together! I thought you understood that all I've ever wanted, all I've _ever _worked for, was to get to New York and be on Broadway and know that it all worked out, it all paid off… It was all _mine!_" She sniffled. "But you just— You keep thinking about _you_ and what _you _want… Well _I _want New York! I want my _dreams!_ And I love you, I really do, but you… You are _not _worth my _entire _life, Finn… So if you think that I will just stay here… That I'll give it all up to be your wife and-and _bear your children_ while you're working in Burt's Tire Store, then _forget it!_"

"What is so wrong with—?"

"For _you _that is _perfect!_" she interrupted loudly. "But I'm not _you! _That's not what I _want!_"

"You want _me!_"

Silence reigned a long second and the gleeks all seemed to hold their collective breaths.

And then, "No… I _wanted _you… And now I'm done. Done with _you_ and with _Lima_ and with all those insecurities or fears that might have kept me here… I belong in the_ spotlight_, Finn Hudson. I'm going to be a star and I'm going to sing louder than you can even _comprehend_. I will live my every dream without ever looking back and regretting this moment or this decision… Because it's the _right _one!"

"Rachel—"

"_Please_… Just let me _go_."

He didn't reply and then, finally, the sound of retreating footsteps could be heard.

Moments later, the door opened. Rachel stepped inside, her eyes filled with tears and her cheeks red. She sniffled and looked around at the crowd that tried to pretend it wasn't listening. Or at least, anybody who wasn't _Puck _pretended they weren't eavesdropping.

She took a few steps into the room and then asked in a tiny, broken voice, "Can I have a hug? I just really need a hug right now…"

And even though Mercedes stood up and Kurt leapt from his chair, she hurriedly cut a path toward _him_. He caught her as she leapt up into his arms, wrapping her up tight and squeezing when she let out a cry against his shoulder. "I was _stupid_," she sobbed, her tears soaking through his shirt.

"Nah, just stubborn," he replied, rubbing her back when she let out a scoff.

She shook against him; her tiny body vibrating head to toe. One of her hands gripped the collar over the back of his neck while the other dragged up and down through the tail of his 'hawk, the back and forth motion somehow soothing her.

Sniffling, she asked, "I'm doing the right thing, right Noah?"

He pressed his face into her hair. "You belong in New York, babe."

"It _hurts_…" she whimpered.

"You're not even gonna remember his name where you're on that stage."

She nodded slowly but then stiffened in his arms. "You'll be in the crowd?" she asked hopefully.

He grinned. "Every opening night." No shit, he applied and was accepted into NYU… He was _willingly _trying to stay around her crazy.

"You won't leave me, right?" She brought her head back to stare up at him. "You have to promise me." She wiped swiftly at her face. "I know you were upset with me and I _know_ you didn't think I should be with Finn…" Her brows furrowed. "I-I know I've been difficult lately, but—"

He shook his head. "I'll never leave you." He kissed her forehead. "Even if I'm stuck in the friend zone the rest of my fucked up life, Berry! I'll be the hottest damn dude-of-honor at your future wedding to some actor douche."

She laughed, her lips splitting in a wide smile. "Right now, all I need is you and New York… And that's a dream come true for me."

He nodded. "Done."

She hugged him tighter, resting her face on his chest once more. "You know I'll be spending _at least_ the rest of the month singing heartbreak songs, right?"

He winced. "I've got earplugs."

She slapped his chest. "Noah!"

He laughed. "All right, okay, watch it… Your midget hands sting!"

She scoffed, glaring up at him.

"Fine, your '_little people' _hands…" He rolled his eyes.

"Noah!" she shouted, disgruntled.

Chuckling, he rested his chin on top of her head. Even if she was going to start one of her ten-minute rants about being politically correct, he was just glad he got her back. Yeah, he might be setting himself up for that backwards life of being her best friend instead of her leading man, but he could deal with that for now. Maybe when she wasn't so broken up over Hudson and they were getting settled in New York, he'd bring up the idea of them exploring a relationship. For now, he could just be the guy cheering her on from the sidelines, making sure she picked her dreams first. 'Cause romantic or not, he was man enough to put her before what he wanted. And that… That was _real _love. Suck on that, Finn Hudson.

[**End.**]


End file.
